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I'm home. I'm disturbed. I'm guilty. I have time to blog. Run away!
Posted by: jesse on Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 11:17 AM
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I have arrogance, pride, fear, addictions, insecurity, shame, despair, hate, jealously, anger, resentment, bitterness, self righteousness, and a powerfully judgmental side to me. And by the way, I have issues. There, I said it. I'm guilty. I have all of that stuff. I AM...however, a child of God, a servant of the Lord, and friend of Jesus, the ultimate disturbing presence and element in the universe and beyond....
Did I also say that at times, most times, okay, all the time! I redefine the concept of "being intense." If the intensity of me and Michael Avolicino could be harnessed, the energy crisis would be solved.
Here's my point, all of us have something that we have to surrender in order to live life to the abundance. It could be the "need to be right, and others to be wrong," or the "need to be accepted and approved of no matter what the cost," or the need to be absolutely safe and secure in our beliefs, our theology, and our faith.
It ain't gonna happen.
I can't apologize beloveds. God doesn't need to be defended. Christmas doesn't need to be defended. There is no war against Christmas, and if one needs that image in order to feel holy, or chosen, or allied with some misguided sense of truth, then, in the name of Jesus, who NEVER defended himself or his Abba, or his mama, surrender right now. Let us lay down our swords and let God fashion us and our energies to plow for and defend the poor, the unborn, the ones on death row, the strangers, the children, the families on the street, the women in shelters, the widows and widowers, the homeless, the rejected, neglected, the disrespected; those that aren't straight, aren't men, aren't adults and aren't on the right side of the Church...
My God, my God, why have we forsaken you?
Disturb us from our pettiness.
Disturb us from our silence in the face of night.
Disturb us from our joy to the first world, and thank God we're not living in the third and developing world.
Disturb us from our "peace" stolen at the cost of other's peace.
God, how you can you be Emmanuel, God with us? We can't even be with us, we're so self-righteous and terrified we can't conceive finding you in one another; how can we find you in ourselves? We can see you in the monstrance, the adoration chapel, but can't quite see you in one another....hmmmm? And we treat the sacred holder of the sacred and blessed sacrament, but try that on a living monstrance, sorry, can't see that. Nice story though. Nice Palestinian Jewish kid makes good. Yes, Palestinian AND Jewish. Not American. Not Canadian. Not even Catholic....not even...Christian!
I'm disturbed. Don't listen to me. Run away.
No need to defend the faith. How about we live the faith? No need to defend the Eucharist. How about we live Eucharistically?
No need to defend doctrine, decree, or dogma. Love the bumper sticker, "Curb Your Dogma." The living of our faith is about being alive. The doctrine, decrees, and dogmas, and the people who wrote those, attempt to articulate the faith that we LIVE! The faith that we are called to be! To be. To live. To believe.
The mission of the church, is to welcome everyone and exclude no one in the name of Jesus. At times, the church has the done that well. At other times, we haven't.
God, save us from ourselves. Ocassionally save us from your followers. They're sometimes like us! They go to church like us. Have good intentions too.
Don't silence us from telling the truth! Silence us when we attempt to cover, bury, hide, and avoid the truth that threatens our broken and diseased sense of security and safety. Silence us when we try to silence others. Silence our violence by a desire to face our fears. With you. Silence us when we fail to tell the truth, live the truth, and enflesh You; the life, the truth, and the way.
Holy Cow.
Holy Advent.
I'm disturbed.
I'm guilty.
I rant. I rave.
I'm weird. Not in the mainstream.
Extraordinarily unorthodox and absolutely
a paradox. I'm dangerous like WMD. Weak Manibusan Dude.
Pray.
Run away.
Pray. For me. For us. For Jesus.
Jesse
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